Ok, ok, ok… I bought this program last July thinking it would revolutionize my world, but alas, I didn’t finish it.  So at the start of this new year, I picked it up again.  Maybe if I write about it, I will be more motivated to finish it. 

Today I have a little quiz to go through to see how I am doing.  I am trying hard not to beat myself up because although I started this program for the second time on January, 4th, although it is true that it is now January 17th, the fact that I am on day 10 doesn’t quite add up.  But, on the same token I am still plugging away and I am not too far off.  The program does allow for weekends off. 

So how did I do on my quiz?  I got 6 points out of a possible 8.  Hmmm.  75%.  Not so hot.  Today is all about procrastination and that may as well be my middle name.  What is wrong with that last 25% of me who refuses to commit, who rebels against authority, who won’t write her nightly reflections?  I think there is a little voice inside me that is telling me that I may not be happy with who I am now, but what if I finish something and find that it too doesn’t meet my expectations.  I have one reason for my PROCRASTINATION:  I am a perfectionist.  I am going to lay it all out here on the line, here goes:

Reasons I procrastinate:

My number one reason for procrastinating is that I have a Martha Stewart mindset and I live in an ordinary world.  I am a perfectionist.  Most people who hear me say that would laugh.  But it is my number one hindrance.  I have difficulty getting over myself.  If I cannot do something the way I have it played out in my head, then I cannot do it at all.   My perfectionism keeps me from scrap-booking, quilting, writing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, decorating I could go on and on and on.  It keeps me from enjoying life because when I do do something it is all thrown together at the last minute because I have procrastinated, waiting for the sun, moon and stars to come into alignment to get that “something” done perfectly. 

My solution is two part.  First I need to retrain myself.  I have been living like this for the past twenty years and now I think I have become accustomed to the reactions produced by my system, the rush that the stress of getting something done at the last minute causes.  I will do this by sticking to my three action items and by making these items things that are attainable in my daily life.  Not things that would require a superhero to get done in a day.  I will feel good about myself for accomplishing even those three things daily, because they will be totally completed.  I will build from there and I will be patient with myself.  Rome wasn’t built in a day. 

I need to find a mantra to use to get myself refocused and back on track and I need to take 10 minutes absolutely to myself to regroup and refocus.  This is something that will make me a better, person, wife and mother.  I need to accept the fact that my quirks make me who I am.  I will never be Martha Stewart and down deep I wouldn’t want to be.  But I do want to be a better new improved version of me.  I can be that. 

All I can think of is some country song where Brad Paisley is talking about his wife trying to be perfect and how boring that would be.  Maybe I will sing that to myself every time I am feeling frazzled.  Or maybe the Laurie Berkner song that my kids listen to on Noggin, “I’m not perfect, no I am not.  I’m not perfect, but I like what I’ve got, I do my very best, I do my very best, I do very best each day.  But I am’ not perfect, and you know I like it that way.”  See… now I am looking for the perfect mantra.  So it will be, “I would rather be human than perfect.”

I’ve thought about all my other reasons for procrastinating, but they all come back to this.  I am trying to be a perfect mother, wife, woman, sister, daughter, step-mother.  It is my inability to see that being perfect is unattainable, but being a good mother isn’t.  So here is my story.  I am not perfect and that is okay.  I would rather be good at a bunch of things then try to be perfect at one. 

Go Me!